COPS in Kyoto
by Saemus McNally
Summary: Saitou is now the host of a very....OLD version of COPS....eh..Read it cause Tokio's in it...PLEASE?!


C.O.P.S! in Kyoto  
  
This story arises from my maddening confrontations with always having to watch the last few minutes of COPS when I wait for the Simpsons to come on. Also lately I've been thinking of old fairy tales...and so one arises in this. If someone has already done this which I SWEAR I've read something like this before...PLEASE DONT KILL ME!!! From the way I remember what I read I tried to keep as far away from that as possible....PLEASE DONT KILL ME! OR SUE ME!...I have nothing....You can have my Duo in Gundam Wonderland Poster....*scared*  
Saitou:Just get on with it you blabber mouth!  
*hang head* Yes ha-chan.  
  


~~~  
Saitou is doing his rounds on the streets of glorious Kyoto. Followed by a reporter who jots down anything of interest that the officer might have to mention about his job. The reporter is publishing an article in the newspaper called COPS. It gives the general public basically what a cop has to go through in this town to keep the peace. Why Saitou agreed to this, well, it's anyone's guess really. It might have been a dare, it might have been a challenge, it might have been Dear Old Hajime was feeling giddy one night and agreed to do this as a bet between him and other officers.  
So for whatever reason he agreed to this, he's doing it. And for a more baffling reason, he's enjoying this. He's about to turn around to the reporter to tell him how lovely a nice quiet night in Kyoto is, when another officer of a lower rank scurries his overweight self to the Cheif. Reporting to the wolf that there was a domestic disturbance. Where exactly was this taking place? Why, where else would a MAN be almost raped by a WOMAN!...than at....  


THE AOIYA!  


Saitou mentioned to the reporter as he made his way to the Aoiya, how many different calls he gets from this place. Apparantly since they inhabitants of the Aoiya seem to know Saitou the other officers assume its in his best interest to take care of matters there himself. Which displeases Saitou extremely. He's either over there because someone is piss drunk and causing havoc outside the house, or being far too loud at parties, or for the reason he's going there now. Misao's sexual attempts on Aoshi.  
Of course Aoshi is really quite stronger than Misao when she's under control,well, for Misao anyway. But when the girl is filled a little with sake and under the weight of her overriding passion for the quiet man, she becomes a little frightening. Especially to Aoshi. Who for some reason can face powers such as Shishio and Battousai face on, he just can't seem to face the over libidious Misao.  
Saitou makes his way into the house which already had an officer or two in there trying to calm down an over excited Okina and the rest of the Oniwabanshuu. One really rat faced looking officer points to the cause of the problem. A screaming, ranting, cursing, distructive Misao who is trying to be calmed down by another officer. Who in turn gets a punch in the face. Saitou yells out at her that asulting an officer is a crime and if she keeps up her antics she'll spend the night in prison. Without the watchful eyes of someone to protect her from the other criminals. Or to protect the criminals from her.   
This seemingly calms the weasel down slightly, enough to get her to explain what happened. Misao insisted that Aoshi was making the first move. She swore that if he was wearing the yukata like that then it was an obvious go signal. Saitou questioned her making her think if thats REALLY what Aoshi wanted. Misao fell silent a bit. Saitou was willing to let her off with a warning, but for crying out loud, she A. hit an officer and B. already had like ten warnings. Saitou thought to himself he's really too good at heart. So unfortunately, he had to take Misao in. Mentioning to the officers that she was to have a cell of her own.  
The reporter trailing after Saitou like a bad shadow jotted everything down. This night had already gotten off to a brilliant start. But now the reporter tittered with glee as Saitou had to talk to Aoshi. He scolded Aoshi for not being a man and telling the weasel 'No means no'. Aoshi was fuming with rage as he knew he could easily jump into a fight against any man. But he really FEARED Misao. The way a long tailed cat fears rocking chairs. Saitou just muttered under his breath at how gutless this guy was and walked out of the Aoiya. Leaving the precious details to his fellow officers who were to report to him later that evening.  
Saitou walked from the Aoiya and lit up one of his beloved cancer sticks. The cigarette pleased Saitou. That pleasure was soon lost as another officer waddled up to the commanding officer with news that the Choulo's were at it again.  
This time Hajime didn't stride to the scene of action. He ran. Not a full out run, he didn't want to lose the cherry of his cigarette. But still his light paced run was enough to leave the reporter panting. The felony being committed was Chou and his Choulo's once again attempting their favorite hobby. Harassing pedestrians who happened to cross their broom style haired paths. This time two of the Choulos were victimizing and old woman who usually by day grew and sold herbs for medicinal tea. The Choulos wanted some tea. Yet oblivious to the fact they could actually PAY for the tea, they chose to steal it from her by pinning her against an alleyway wall and holding her at knifepoint. Whilst they robbed the woman blind.  
Saitou ran onto the scene and gave the two hoodlums a crack in the face, a boot in the gut and a smack on the back of the neck sending them falling unconciously towards the ground. He spat down at the two followers of Chou. Then proceeded to help the old woman regain her resolve. Gathering up her bundle of herbs she thanked the officer. Saitou repremanded her for walking about alone at night in such a neighborhood. Which she insisted that it was an emergency call. Which he THEN reminded her that even in such a case an old delicate woman such as herself shouldn't be alone at night. She nodded her consent as Saitou escorted her to where she was headed. While other officers picked up the Choulo's and sent them to their familiar cells.  
The reporter was having a giddy fit. This would be the best article ever. He'd never been so close to danger in all his life. Even though if he had hardly known Fujita Gorou's real persona and his former life he'd have passed out from fright.  
Hours seemingly went by calmly after this. Until yet again another officer ran up to his Cheif.This officer an uncannily tall officer of seven feet in height. Yet, very gawky. So he hunched when he walked and stood. He had to report that a certain Kesunosa Ragasa had just had his tiny little home broken into. Saitou questioned how this concerned him. The officer replied taht the young man specifically requested Fujita Gorou. Saitou raised an eyebrow cynically. His coworker was obviously set on bringing his cheif to the robbed young man so Saitou simply shrugged and went along.  
Maybe about a block or two from the robbed house the younger officer suddenly got a case of the "OH I JUST REMEMBERED" and had to run off leaving instructions on how to get to the house. Saitou was ever so slightly miffed. Saitou sauntered his way to the house and upon seeing it wondered what on earth could have been stolen from this rotting old dump. Nevertheless, the always efficient police man strode up to the door and slid it open.   
And there. In the middle of the floor. On an outrolled futon. Layed Sanosuke. With the weight of his upper body resting on his left arm while his right arm lay against his side falling over the lines of his muscular build. His right leg bent and left foot upon the futon while his left leg stretched out. He gave the wolf a look of seduction that would have made a weaker man fall to his knees and plead for some good rooster lovin's.  
However Saitou Hajime is no weaker man. He simply turn right around and walked out. The screeching rooster flew up and out the door following Saitou. Leaping out to grab the older man by the arm yet obviously missing as his face met with the slightly damp ground. Saitou kneeled down and patted the spikey black hair. Leaving poor jilted Sano with words of reminder that its not nice to interrupt an officer on duty. Especially one who's having his nights actions recorded on paper.  
The former Zanza flushed red and ran back inside his house so as not to be further noticed by the cackling reporter. Saitou leaned over a little to the reporter giving him a bit of commentary on how Sanosuke was getting more clever each night. Last night he was at a different shack, with a differnt fake name which is just an alteration of his own name. He mentioned how the boy's first attempt was simply just tugging on the jacket of the officer and saying "lets have at it". And in his own way Saitou giggled and made his way back to his rounds of the main area of town.  
The night was almost over and his post was being taken over by another head officer. So Hajime and the reporter resigned to his office in the station. He first though, had to make a check of the jail cell. Just to check up on Weasel Woman. She was quietly,suprisingly enough, asleep on a futon that had been brought to her. She was treated quite exceptionally for a prisoner. Maybe it was because she was so damn cute. At least when she was quiet anyhow. She would be released come morning though. In his office Saitou was conversing with the reporter over the notes that were soon to be turned into an article for the paper. He suggested leaving out the actual names of Misao and Sanosuke. Just cause, he'd really like not to trouble them. They were already so troubled anyway. Screwy kids. The reporter abliged. And as the reporter was writing down the many different adjectives on how to describe this well held, strong, quasi-stoic, magificent man who serves God's purpose of making the world a better place just by his precence, a thunderous noise was heard storming up the station.  
Suddenly, Saitou's, or rather Fujita's, office door was THROWN open. A short woman, or short in comparison to Saitou, stood fuming in the doorway. Hands clenching and unclenching. Teeth grinding. Beautiful opal eyes glaring straight at beautiful gold ones. She uddered in a voice that could make Satan tuck tail and run,"HAAAAAAJIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"  
The once cool and collected Miburo was suddenly sent reeling back into his chair in fear. FEAR?! Saitou Hajime in fear?!  
The woman took step after agonizing step as her white tabi gracefully stomped into the ground. Her arms slightly out to the side with elbows protruding furthest. Head lowered likea bull ready to charge. The smart reporter quickly got from his chair and made his way to the furthest wall from the furious, yet stunningly beautiful woman.  
She called out again,"HAAAAAAJIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEE!!!" Saitou yelped out after choking down that proverbial lump in his throat."YE...YES MY DEAR!?"  
The woman nearly screeched at him."Hajime you are SO going to GET IT THIS TIME!!!" "Why my beloved what have I done to anger thy devine precence? Forgive me please whatever it was!!" "You left FOOFIKINS OUT!!" "Why that's impossibly my goddess! For I clearly remember bringing Foofikin's into the house and giving her her warm milk!" "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!" "NO OF COURSE NOT!" "Well then, Foofikins is not in the house and so now you shall spend the night retreiving her! Also! You'll stop by the market and bring home NEW FRESH Milk, and the rest of these items on the groccery list!" She pulled out a tiny scroll of paper from her obi and slammed it on the table in front of the once regal wolf. She then turned and lightly padded her graceful way towards the door. Realizing she forgot something she turned and faced the officer again. "Oh and Hajime-chan, don't forget to invite Sagara-san to dinner." "WHAT!?" "Don't argue. I find the boy adorable. And he seems to like you a lot" "Yes, I know but." "NOT BUTS!" Then a tilt of her head and a beautiful grin which always melted 'Hajime-chan's' heart of ice."And have a lovely day sweetiekins!" And with that the ever powerful, beautiful, and magestic Tokio made her way back home.  
The reporter was baffled and trying his best not to guffaw. He quickly asked to be dismissed. Saitou silently nodded and the reporter dashed out. As soon as he was at least two feet from the police station he quickly sat down on the ground and wrote down every detail that had happened. The public would get a kick outta finding out that Cheif Fujita was a complete whipped dog in front of his wife. He was putting in the final characters of his report when he felt an ominous precence in front of him. He looked up to find that the ever powerful woman was standing in front of him. A pleasent smile on her lips but a malicious look in her eyes. "If you know whats good for you and if you would like to see what its like to watch your children grow into adults, then I suggest you take out that last part."   
Of course, the reporter agreed. Two days later, the COPS article was published. And the incident at the office was of COURSE left out. There's one thing to enrage a wolf, but to enrage the wolf's wife seems far more dangerous.  
  
~~~  
AAAH!!! this is a horrible story! But uh...uh....ISNT TOKIO GREAT!? Oh please review my horrible story....I really wanted this to be funny but it ended up being a waste of time ;_; YELL AT ME! GIVE ME A TALKIN TO!! I want it PLEEEASE! REVIIIEWWW!  
Sano:you sound more pathetic everyday  
...cock...


End file.
